Allison Robles: When we are doing our first look at started hailing,
Ryann Marlar: they happen to have an Ironman Triathlon, the day of our wedding at the venue,
Evan Yamada: you're getting pulled in every direction, it put me in a flood of tears.
Allison Robles: Once the event begins, you just have to go with it.
Lisa Liguori:
Hello, friend, you're putting your heart and soul into your special event, whether it's your wedding, a family reunion, or a big birthday party. This is a once in a lifetime moment. And because you care so deeply about it, you're highly invested, and really want it to go perfectly. But that pressure and the amount of work to be done, can get overwhelming, and potentially even threaten your joy in the process. So what can you do to maximize your enjoyment from your big day? Today, we're talking to panelists who have a lot of experience around big events. They've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. And they're going to share tips from all they've seen in the trenches to help you savor the event. You're investing your time, energy, money and hopes into Welcome to advice column. I'm Lisa. And on this podcast, we share our stories with each other. So we can help each other learn from our mistakes, and take advantage of what we learned worked well. I'm so glad you're here. So let's dive right in and listen to our panelists.
Ryann Marlar:
My name is Ryan, I'm from Madison, Wisconsin. And I'm here to chat about my destination wedding that was held in San Juan, Puerto Rico, almost six years ago, it's my anniversary on Sunday. I'm really glad that my husband and I were a united front, we set some boundaries and ground rules. We wouldn't plan past 10pm no planning, if you are hungry. I'm a different person if I'm hungry, so maybe that role was just for me. But then also, if you had something that you needed to pause or discuss, we were always open to that discussing together. And then if we needed a little help on the other side, like say, I had an aunt who is asking a couple too many questions, or he had a cousin, you know, we would answer them for each other and not necessarily be the bad guy. But I could be like, well, you know, aren't we aren't bringing that many people because Pam and I decided together that this is going to be a small wedding. And I was very thankful that my husband and I were like, Nope, this is our day, we got to center around ourselves. And we were always an open book with each other if we were having problems with people who are trying to create their day out of our days. So that was something I was really thankful with. And we did that with a couple of things. I told the people who have gotten married after me like, make sure you were clear on your envelope about who you're saying could come. If you're going to do it online, and you don't have a record, make sure you're checking all of the comments that people write in all those things. So that's where they may say like, well, two people are coming, but I'm also bringing my 10 month old things like that. We had some funny things happen. They happen to have an Ironman Triathlon, the day of our wedding at the venue. And the venue didn't tell us until like a week before. Yes, that totally. But you want to hold tight to your plans, but you also have to be flexible. I had a ritual that I did all to myself, I had a lone time. So I woke up in the morning, I actually built my bouquet, I sat alone and I just not necessarily meditated but like grouped the flowers the way I wanted to be in kind of and felt the thoughts of joy and love and you know, everything I wanted for the day and also for my marriage in general, but specifically to kind of set my mind for the day. And so making that little ritual was really, really wonderful. I did a first look with my dad, which was very, very sweet. And then I did one with my husband. And then I saw people peeking around and wanting to watch the moment and I got really upset and was like snarky to one of our friends. They were just sweeping they were just trying to like watch the moment. And that's that time just being like really flexible. Like I could focus on us just doing our first look. I didn't have to be like Nick get out of the way. The day of the wedding, something that I wanted to make sure it was special for me and my husband was making sure that we had time alone to just kind of lock it all in. So after the ceremony you know we're walking down the aisle we're waving we're smiling may have a moment With our family, and then we kind of retreated to a little side room, and just had a couple of moments to lock down our memories of that day. What did you love seen? What are you looking forward to for the rest of the night, just so we could really like Time Capsule it, because everything goes by so fast.
Tessa Doyle:
My name is Tessa Doyle, I just recently got married, I had a wedding with 200 people, I have a very big Italian family. So they were about 95% of my wedding. And it was beautiful. And I loved every minute of it. Going into the wedding planning, my mom and my family were so involved and very helpful in it. So I didn't stress nearly as much as I feel other people might when they are planning it alone. So I'm very fortunate for that. I definitely would say take time to really enjoy your day with your husband. He mingled with a lot of people and I just danced. So I wish I would have spent a little more time with him one on one, as well as with other people on our wedding day. That's probably one of my biggest things I wish I would have done. I'm so glad that I did a first look. Going into our wedding, I was so adamant that I would not do a first look. And then as we got closer and closer to our wedding, my nerves were getting out of control. So I said, I think I have to have a first look with him in order to calm myself down. Just him and I in the photographers. And it was probably one of my favorite moments, being able to give him a hug before in see him really calmed my nerves where I could make it down the aisle without crying my eyes out. I did a lot of separate first looks. So I did a first look with a Cody, who's my husband, my dad, my stepdad and my little brother, and also my bridesmaids and my grandmother. So being able to have those private moments with everyone was very reassuring and helped me not be so emotional on that day. One thing I would say was don't exactly worry, and stress over the little things. Because no one notices the little things. One of my signs got broken when we were on our way to our venue. And I was panicking and so stressed about it. But no one noticed those signs, I just had to walk away and just let it go. As much as I wanted to fix it run to FedEx and go get a whole nother one just wasn't worth it. So it's really okay, if not everything is perfect, because no one notices.
Allison Robles:
My name is Alison Robles, it's not uncommon for me to want to throw a really great party or a phenomenal dinner experience for our close friends and family. And most recently, we had a wedding, when we first got engaged, we just took the first couple of months to not even think about planning a wedding and to just enjoy being engaged. And then after I don't know, maybe six months is when we started discussing what we want the wedding to be. And I made it clear to my husband that I did not want to be the sole planner, that this was not my event that it was our event. So he was literally involved in every single detail except for my wedding dress. And the benefit of that is that we were both able to share what our hopes and dreams were for that day, set the right expectations for each other and then really go into a kind of United where we both felt like we had skin in the game. I knew that with this event, if I was going to really enjoy it. It had to do with the pre work for me so that the day of I could just sit back and relish in everything that was going on. Making sure I hired the right team, making sure they understood me first and my husband and our vision for the day. And then allowing myself the day of to just hand it over completely. I had a ton of trust in my team, especially my wedding planner. I mean, she was top notch. And if things went wrong, the day of I actually did not know. I mean, there were something that I didn't know about, like when we were doing our first look, it started hailing and I mean it never hills in San Diego. So it was raining and hailing and it was wild, but we pivoted for me it was remembering the purpose of the day right we had these goals in mind for what we wanted to experience together and what we wanted our friends and family to experience. But ultimately what was most important is that this was a day satisfied For us to just love each other. And I don't think there was very many outside factors that would have gotten in the way of that. You know, I think once the event begins, you just have to go with it, things might not go great. But ultimately, whatever the event is a wedding or anything else, there's a purpose in mind behind it, right. And as long as you keep that purpose, and what's most important at the forefront of your mind, I think it allows you to let go the little things that might go wrong and realize, hey, it's trivial. And in 10 years, is that what I'm going to remember, or am I going to remember this amazing feeling that I have right now. We had time apart while we are getting ready, it really created this anticipation, I couldn't wait to see him. So we have that first look, which was so helpful. And so special. I mean, my husband can tend to be a very private person, and I can as well. And it allowed us to just run unfiltered cry and just really absorb the emotion behind what we're doing. It felt so special to us. But in addition to that, we kind of made a pact before our wedding. And we said we don't want to be in separate places. After the getting ready period, we made sure that we were glued at the hip during our wedding, just because it can be so easy for the groom or the bride to start talking to one group of people and the other, go to another area. And then you're like, oh, where's my husband? Or you know, where where did that person go? You grab me by the hand. And wherever you go, I go. And I think that that really helped us make sure that we were focusing on each other the whole time. We were checking in on each other the whole time, we really wanted to make sure that we were enjoying each part of our wedding together and prioritizing each other.
Evan Yamada:
My name is Evan Yamada. I've been married for four years, this may have two beautiful kids, seven months and two and a half years. I do research a lot. I've been in a handful of weddings. And then I'm also a photographer. So I shot a lot of weddings, and just got to experience hundreds of weddings in that whole process. It just kept me digging and digging and asking friends, what did you do different on your wedding day, one of the biggest comments that really struck me was stay together the whole time. Because to stay linked the whole time makes the experience of the day so much better, because now you're truly bound together. And then when you see people, friends and family and the ones you care about the most, they get to see you as a couple. And as one. We stayed together the whole time. There was never this, where is she? I just married this woman, where'd she go? You have to be super intentional about it because people are pulling you left and right. And so it just becomes a shared experience for the both of you. Everyone tells you it goes by in a blink of an eye. And it really does. I don't want this day to just be this whirlwind. And so we just decided on what are those things that we want to lock in on for the day so that we're both on the same page. We don't have to talk about it during the wedding day. Here's what we're gonna do. pause, take a moment. And so you always feel like oh, I need to get to the next place. And you really don't like everyone's waiting for you. So taking two to five minutes just to pause and laugh. Every time we moved into a new space or environment, we stopped before we broke any thresholds and walked into somewhere. Those are some of the best photos because they gave us that space. And then they were capturing those moments. And there's like shot of us on the back of the venue on the stairs. And we're just eating our plates and looking at each other and laughing. And it's like one of my favorite shots of our whole wedding. One of the best tips was to write down five things that I want to remember about the day and then put it in my jacket pocket. That tip to me seemed weird at the time. But honestly, if I didn't write the things that I wanted to remember down, it definitely would have blew right by and I would have forgot. You know, I may not have missed the moment but writing it down, made me really lock in on those moments. And her walking down the aisle was my number one. I didn't see her for the first time walking down the aisle. We did photos before that, but it still hit me the exact same way like it was the first time I was watching her and it put me in a flood of tears. And to be able to know what things you really want to focus in on on the day, it definitely helps. And then now it's about to be four years later. And, man, I really remember her walking down the aisle very vividly. It's still locked in my head.
Kelsey Potter:
My name is Kelsey Potter. And I got married in June of 2018. Something that we talk about a lot is that when we were planning our wedding, we tried to make sure that it was going to reflect us, there's no right or wrong way to do a wedding. But everyone is so unique, that you have to make sure it's something you are going to enjoy and that it's not just like a show you're putting on for other people. And so that was something that we tried to keep front of mind the entire time we planned our wedding from like, we had a pizza buffet to my husband brews beer for a living. So he and his friend, were going to brew a special beer for us to do toasts, we wanted to make sure it like very much reflected the things that we enjoy, because it was a day about celebrating our love. A lot of people wanted us to do a seating charts. And for me, that felt very stressful. I know for some people, that feels much better, because they want to plan those things out. But for me, it felt like how do I make sure everyone is happy if I do a seating chart, I'd much rather they just have name cards, and they get to choose their seat when they get there. And I maybe would have done a little bit more research on some of the things we didn't have a wedding planner, so I didn't really know what to expect. Some of the things like the venue we picked, we probably wouldn't have picked, we kind of miss some pictures that we would have enjoyed. But it wasn't anything huge. It was just these are things that I didn't have a lot of experience with. So maybe I could have asked other people, what did you do? What did this look like for you? What should we maybe remember. And that's not something we really did. We just had all of the people that really mattered to us close by. And we made sure to spend a lot of time with those people. We had a musician play at our wedding, he was a very special musician to us, because we had seen him live before. And so something that was really important to us ahead of time was that we didn't want to be like taking pictures or entertaining while he was playing, we really wanted to be able to like enjoy his music together. And so I was thankful that we were able to make sure we took time out of the busy day to make sure we enjoyed his music and could just hang out and listen to him. Something that someone told me is that the two of you should step aside and just kind of watch everything unfold and watch people dance and have a good time and just like quietly by ourselves so that we could see what was happening and kind of remember it. And I don't think that we did that because we were so caught up in everything. And I kind of wish that we would have done a little bit more of that just because it really does fly by it just I couldn't even believe it felt like in the blink of an eye it was over.
Annette Gomez:
My name is Annette Gomez. I'm in the flower business. I specialize in weddings and events of all sorts. And I've been in the business for about 40 years. So I've seen it from the vendor's perspective, because I work with clients on their weddings, but our daughter got married last year. So it was the first time that I was actually a mother of a bride. And I got to see it from that perspective. And I'll tell you, the thing that I found for any large event, even with the one that we did for our daughter was to have a good coordinator, someone or a point person that really takes all of your ideas and everything that you're trying to put together and manages that for you. So I think that's key. I thought I could do it myself. And then I had a friend coordinator take it over. It took all the stress off of me. They do it all the time. And even though I'm in the industry and planning our daughter's wedding, I mean, I know what goes into planning a wedding, but I don't I thought I did but I didn't. The peace of mind of knowing that somebody is handling everything for you. And all you have to do is say yes or no, or answer simple questions is a game changer. It just makes you relax and enjoy the moments and I really wanted to be the mother of the bride. I wanted to enjoy every moment with my daughter and not be in the middle of anything. I just wanted to enjoy her presence and I didn't even do the flowers for the wedding. Letting go I think is everything. Not trying to micromanage it yourself and not having these expectations that are just so they're having any expectations really just makes it much better. I thought I do try to do that more with my clients too. I try to guide them to letting go. But now that I've been on the other side, I feel like I will be able to tell them, Look, this is what I experienced. Try it, you'll be surprised, it'll really enhance your experience, it'll really make it better if you can let go. I'm very detail oriented and pretty type A and I used to think I was very controlling even. But when it comes down to it, you have to make a decision whether you're going to spend your time obsessing over details, or you're going to enjoy the people around you in the moment. I'm glad I did, because I got to just really buttoned up Josie dress and sit in the room when she was getting ready and not worry about anything. The thing I see a lot is somebody obsessing over an invitation sweet, or the color of something not being just the right color, or wanting this one type of flower and really focusing too much on those details. And sort of losing sight of what they're really doing. I mean, event doesn't have to be a wedding, it could be anything, it could be a baby shower, it could be a celebration of life, it could be anything, right. But when I find that a lot of my clients get caught up in the details of what it's going to look like and lose sight of what they're really doing there. whatever event it is, you're bringing all these people together that you love. And so what do you really want to show them, you want to show them, you love them. And you want them to have this magical experience that they walk away from feeling loved, and letting go that that tends to come through a lot stronger than when you hold on to it too tight. Once a decision is made about an event that you're planning, don't second guess that decision. You made the decision to let it go and don't keep revisiting it. I think that's something I see a lot in our industry have this fear of making the wrong decision. Or it seems especially now with social media and everything, they see something else that's maybe better than what they originally thought, again, going back to just let it go, you made the decision, no, roll with it. I close my eyes and rethink that day, over and over and over again.
Lisa Liguori:
That was so much useful information. Thank you to our panelists for sharing their experiences to help us out. I heard some powerful themes in there. I heard that it's important to communicate with your planning partner or partners up front, to make sure you all have the same vision. And so you know what's important and what not to sweat. And I love the idea of having a ritual of some alone time in the morning before the event gets into full swing to pray, or meditate and set an intention for the day. And to get balanced and peaceful. Before things get hectic. We heard from almost everyone that the time just flies by. So the way they suggested to combat that is number one to actually schedule pauses and breaks ahead of time. And then to be really intentional about the moments that are most important. So you can be sure to slow down for those. And in fact, one of my husband and my favorite moments of our wedding was when we just stepped outside of our reception, held hands, closed our eyes, and listen to all of our friends and family inside, talking and laughing. And we just soaked it up and made a memory. It was a pause in the day that's crystallized in my memory and I really cherish. I loved hearing how our panelists use teamwork and strategically use each partner strength. I heard the importance of keeping things in perspective and not stressing over the little things that might seem like big things in the moment. And that no matter how carefully we plan things, they don't always go according to the program, and that it's helpful to be ready to roll with it. Lastly, I heard an encouragement to savor savor savor that special time. Thank you for spending this time with me. advice column is a nonprofit foundation and we exist to add value to your life. Thank you for your positive reviews which are so meaningful to me. This might have been a lot to take in and we weren't able to include all of the interviews. So what we've done is summarize this all into a downloadable guide you can refer to you can find that right now by going to advice column.com forward slash resources. I'll see you in the next episode. And until then, lots of love
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